16 Questions Asian people are sick of answering

#1 "Let me guess: Are you Chinese?"

If I say, "Yes," You are going to say you could totally tell.

If I say, "No, I'm ___" You are going to say that was your second guess. 

#2 "What ARE you?"

Are you asking me where I'm from?

"Yeah, where are you from?"

Texas.

"Nooo, like, where are you really from?"

Texas.

"Nooooo, like, where are your parents from?"

#3 "But what kind of Asian are you?"

A very jovial kind.

#4 "Can you tell the difference between the different types of Asians?"

Science says cheekbones height determines the spectrum of Asian.

"Really?"

No.

#5 "I heard they eat dogs. Do they really eat dogs over there?"

Why does it feel likeI'm personally being judged for a cultural vice practiced by a tiny piece of the population.

#6 "...have you ever eaten dog?"

Literally all the time. My mom's dish you tried last night?

Woof.

#7 "Are you related to [anyone with the last name Lee, Kim, Chen, Nguyen]?"

Yup, the 1.2 million Kimsin South Korea comprise one big family.

#8 "This:"

Believe it or not, some of us have both academic and social skills. Groundbreaking, I know.

#9 "Are your parents strict?"

Only about racially ignorant presumptions of other house holds.

#10 "Like, do you have to marry someone from your own culture?"

Only if Confucius says so.

#11 "Do you get in trouble if you don't get straight A's?"

I'm only reprimanded if I ask a dumb question.

#12 "Specifically to females: Are you attracted to Asian guys?"

I'm attracted to anyone who is... attractive?

#13 "What's your REAL Asian name?"

I will tell you if you promise not to attempt to pronounce it.

#14 "Omg you speak fluently? How do you say ____ in Korean/Chinese/Japanese/etc.?"

你他妈的.
엿먹어.
くたばれ.

#15 "How are you guys all so skinny?"

Because Calories shoot right to our brains, which is how we are so smart!"

#16 "WAIT - can you understand the other Asian languages?"